Beyond My Reason
by TestingBoundries
Summary: I am trapped. I can't breathe because the burning sensation is ripping through my very soul. The pain is almost unbearable but he is, for some reason, the only thing on my mind. He shaped me. The pain made me who I am now, but is it too late to change the nature of what I am? I still can't breathe, but there is something to fight for. Something to breathe for. I have to hold on...


_ I liked the pain, feeling his nails digging into my hips as I pulled on the ropes that were restraining me. My lips, parting in wanton need as my legs spread beyond their boundaries, body bouncing as each unrelenting thrust shot me forward with tremendous force._

_ I was shaking. Each breath came is short bursts, unable to do anything but breathe. I was sure, that for a moment my world would stop. Everything would come to an end as pain shot through my legs, my body._

_ A wild sort of panic blazing behind purple irises. It was almost time, and he knew it. _

_ Burying himself deep within my willing heat, his thrusts became stronger, faster. Harder. My muscles locked for a moment as the band inside of me broke, my release rocking my body, his body. Pushing him over the edge with a quiet grunt._

_ It was the same, feeling him leave my body after releasing his seed into my womb, that emptiness in knowing that no life would come from the act. He had been sure from the beginning that one of us was barren, and that knowledge, and the simple fact that he kept it from me was painful, but it was something that I had accepted after time._

_The bed shifted as his weight fell to my left. The chill of the night covering my naked, bloody body. I shivered, still unable to cover myself. My breath coming in hard pants, but slowly it was beginning to calm._

_The adrenaline was leaving my system, leaving me feeling broken, vulnerable. I pulled weakly on the bonds, my wrists were raw and all I wanted to do was curl up and sleep. Every part of me ached, and the pain that had felt good for a moment no longer felt good._

_I wanted to cry, and the tears were beginning to build up, but I knew that if I cried things would get worse. So I bit my lip, a thin stream of blood beginning to fill my mouth, staying silent as I swallowed the blood._

_"What the fuck did you do to yourself?"_

_The voice broke the silence and I realized that Hidan had shifted while I was contemplating my situation, leaving me off guard and speechless, which left me vulnerable to his wrath._

_"Well, did I fucking stutter? What the fuck did you do to yourself?"_

_I took in a deep breath, knowing that if I showed fear he'd hurt me. He lived off of the fear of his sacrifices, watching them tremble with pain and pleading right before he plunged a silver pike into his own chest. Watching them die was one of his favorite pass times and the sex was always the most animalistic when he came back from a sacrifice, but right now wasn't the time to push him further. I just needed to be released so I could sleep._

_"I bit my lip."_

_"Why the fuck would you do that?"_

_I had to keep him talking or else he would almost definitely go to sleep, the deep purr to his voice told me that I only had a few minutes or I wouldn't get out of these ropes until morning. If I was lucky._

_"I was hoping that my blood would satisfy you."_

_It was a bunch of bullshit, and as the words left my mouth, I knew that I was just trying to please him at this point. Hoping for a miracle, and this time I wished hard enough to get what I wanted._

_"I don't feel like going a second round," he slipped a kunai from under his pillow and cut the ropes easily, and his movements were almost graceful. Much more fluid than his normal sloppy attempts at grace. "Now go the fuck to sleep."_

_I brought my wrists down, arms and shoulders stiff with the dull reminder of how long he had gone this time. I wondered, just for a moment, when he found the time to practice before he actually got to me. How many other women did he __**fuck**__? Who else felt his wrath in and out of bed?_

_I was jealous, wanting to scream at him and make sure that he remembered that no one could take him like I could. That no other whore could please him like I could please him, but then the thought that I could be let go. That he finally had grown tired of me and no longer wanted me around, that maybe I could go somewhere I was actually able to do something of meaning; I hoped for another miracle but alas, that was not in the future._

_I wasn't meant to be free, and I was foolish to believe otherwise. This, I realized as I rolled onto my right side, my back facing the man that was my lover and warden, was my home. "Master?"_

_"What bitch?"_

_"Can I get under the blankets?"_

_There was no reply for a while, and for a moment I thought he fell asleep, but then, to my surprise a reply echoed through the room._

_"I don't give a fuck."_

_The words were powerful, although spoken by a tired, sexually satisfied man. And the unspoken response to the many question that buzzed around in my head. All of it, his feelings amounted to that single statement, and my response, though unspoken reverberated like an echo in the hallow room. Loud and clear to the point where I was convinced that he heard my very thoughts._

_I stilled as I listened to the thought bounce around my head._

I know.

_And as if by some off chance that he did hear me, he rolled onto his side and draped an arm over my cold, still trembling frame. His chest, bare and yet somehow warm, pressing into my back as if we were tradition lovers. It was, for a moment, as if he actually cared what I felt, or thought, or wanted._

_It was as if he was going to laugh heartily in my ear, kissing my pulse point softly and say I was only kidding._

_But just like the pleasure I experienced during his times of sexual release, it was a fading thought, and it was all just a dream. A far-fetched wish that was always going to be an impossible fantasy._

_But in that moment, I let myself believe, and I imagined everything that would have ideally happened, because I knew that if I didn't have something to hold onto I would lose myself completely._

_My mind was the only thing I had left, and I couldn't let him take that away from me. I just couldn't._


End file.
